Friday, August 13, 2010

30 Day Meme: Day 5

Sorry I didn't post yesterday, I was out having a life. Only one of my friends from high school is still in Sarnia so I spent the afternoon with her, hanging out on her porch, drinking beer. It was excellent. I don't think there's anything better in the world than cold beers on a hot day with a good friend and a hammock chair.

Today I finally got the keys to my car, a 2007 Ford Fusion. It's mine until March and I'm still trying to get used to driving it, despite taking it for a trip to London today. The sight lines in the car are terrible and I'm very scared I'm going to hit something, but other than that, it's pretty nice.

Well, onto the meme.

Day 05 – Your definition of love, in great detail

I've been thinking about this one and I don't know what to write. I keep saying that, don't I?

Love is different for everybody but I think there are some very important traits that you need in order to have true love. I don't know how much I can really get into this so I'll just list them.

1. Respect. This always comes to my mind first.

2. Trust. Of course.

3. Friendship. This is something I really think people don't take seriously in their relationships. In my humble opinion, you should always be a friend to your significant other over anything else. People are quick to nag and put down their significant others, but you have to ask yourself, would you do the same to your friends? Usually we give our friends space to be themselves, space to have their own opinions, space to have other friends, space to have hobbies, space to make mistakes. Often we treat our friends nicer than we treat our spouses. I really, really strive to treat Anthony like he's a good friend above all and I ask myself, "Would we be friends if we couldn't date?" I think it's important that you could imagine yourself as friends with your s.o. if you weren't dating. Anthony and I were friends first so it's not hard to imagine, but I know if for whatever reason, we couldn't together, we'd still be friends.

4. Space/acceptance (somehow I made these into 1). I kind of touched on this in #3 but giving somebody space to have their own life and be themselves is so important. I'm happy that I'm past the stage where I want to be with somebody so I can change them into what I want. I want to accept somebody as is, because we're all flawed and nobody is perfect, and nobody wants to be with somebody who doesn't accept them as they are. Now that I've experienced being on my own, I have to say I love it. I love being independent and doing my own thing. So when it comes to my relationship, I still want space to do things by myself sometimes and likewise, I give space for Anthony to do the same. If I want to take a vacation alone, nobody is going to stop me. I know that if there is something I want to do alone, I'm not going to be hassled about it. And that makes me so much more satisfied with my relationship and my life. Relationships aren't about combining 2 half-people to make 1 whole, that's an outdated ideal. It's about having a companion, not a probation officer. You are your own person already, and love is sharing your life with another and having them share their life with you. You shouldn't have to squash yourself into a half a person to be loved. Also with space, letting the person do their own things and have their own friends without nagging them about it is very important, too.

5. A sense of humility. I know I am not perfect, and sometimes I make mistakes. When I'm called out on them, I'm wise enough now to admit I was wrong and apologize. Likewise, I don't hold anyone up to standards I wouldn't keep for myself, and I don't expect anybody to worship me. A sense of humility goes hand in hand with understanding, which is another important aspect of love.

7. There's a whole plethora of more boring stuff, too. Like similar goals, similar values, similar ideas of fun, things in common, good communication, blah blah blah.

8. Security. Both security within yourself and your relationship is important or ultimately, one or both people will be pushed away and detached from each other. Whenever I start dating someone (which I hope never happens again!) I always ask him, "Are you a jealous person?" The ONLY correct answer is, "No." Chances are you've been insecure in a relationship and dated an insecure person. The details don't need to be said, we know how it makes everybody suffer. And if you're a smart person, you know jealousy is your problem, not your partner's. I wish the whole world knew that, I really do.

Looking back, I don't know if I answered this correctly. I more or less just answered how to have good love. Oh well.

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