Wednesday, September 29, 2010

30 Day Meme: Day 26

I don't think I've mentioned, but this is the first time I've really experienced autumn since 2005. I came back to Ontario in 2008 from August 29-September 29 but it was a very warm autumn and the leaves hadn't really started to change yet. It was just a long summer. I had actually booked my travel then so I could see the leaves change colour and experience my favourite season, but it ended up being for naught.

So this is the first time in 5 years I've seen red, orange, and brown leaves and have that warm and cozy fall feeling. Every September-October in Nunavut I'd wish I was back in Ontario. In Nunavut we still refer to those months as "fall" but they really aren't. Nunavut doesn't have 4 distinct seasons (in my opinion, anyway), it really only has winter and spring, they're just a little more stretched out than down here.

All this to say, I love being outside right now. All I want to do is take walks in the park and take photos of trees. To say I missed autumn would be a large understatement. This year marks the beginning of a new fall tradition, football season. I'm enjoying it so far, which probably comes as a surprise to anyone who knows me. Anthony loves football so I've really made the effort to enjoy it, too. It's not going away and neither is Anthony so I might as well make the most of it. I actually already liked football despite not understanding the rules (at all, I didn't even know about downs). So yes, I'm enjoying myself some college football this fall.

Day 26 – Your fears, in great detail

#1. Spiders, bees, centipedes, earwigs, etc.

"What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders."
— Jerry Seinfeld

It's very true and very true of me. For some reason, bees seem to swarm around me even if thousands of other people are around me. Not an exaggeration, they seem to keep finding me in the stadiums I've been to lately. I can't wait until winter and all these pests go away. Earlier in September I was taking a shower in Ann Arbor and there were not one but TWO spiders in the shower. I've ridden a horse mere inches away from a cliff that would easily kill us both and not felt scared, but a tiny house spider in my shower sends me into hysterics.

#2. Being in a car accident. This has amplified quite a bit since I've moved back and am driving on busier streets. I've been in a few car accidents (never as a driver and nothing too bad), but it still really freaks me out. Almost every night when I go to bed and close my eyes, I can't help but imagine gory car wrecks caused by me. The idea is especially scary to me as I'm leasing a vehicle so it doesn't technically belong to me.

#3. Being trapped in a car that is sinking. I dream about this every now and then. I think this has got to be the worst way to die. I'm okay driving on bridges and whatnot, but the few times I've been on the ferry to Michigan, I feel incredibly nauseous, especially when water from the river splashes the car. Ughhh.

#4. Getting divorced again. There's no doubt it is the worst personal life hell one can experience, second only to the death of a loved one. I'm an incredibly reflective person and the months after my divorce were hell. Of course, everything before the divorce was hell too, but afterward was just as bad. I don't ever want to relive that. Although the experience made me learn basically everything I know about myself now and transformed me completely, it was still hell. It's like getting thrown off a tall building but being a better person at the end.

#5. Getting cancer. Enough said. I basically assume I will since everyone seems to be going that way these days, but I really hope I'm the 1 in a million who doesn't succumb to it. I'd honestly rather go ANY other way, even by the hand of someone else. I just don't want to die of cancer. I mean no disrespect to anyone reading this who has had cancer or has known someone with it. It's a terrible disease.

#6. Having kids and then regretting it. I've never wanted to have children but I do recognize I could theoretically change my mind at some point. My fear is that I change my mind, get pregnant, then revert back to not wanting them. I don't know if this has happened to anybody or is even possible, but it's enough to make me want to get sterilized.

#7. Last but not least is my worst fear in life: not living up to my fullest potential. If I don't go to college/uni and don't get a challenging job, I will die a failure. I want to find a job that matches my level of intelligence (or lack thereof!). I don't want to keep coasting through life the way I have been. For awhile I decided I would either go into law or medicine just because I think I could do it. I'm not sure anymore what I want to do, but law would certainly be interesting. Another part of this fear is that money will get in the way of me receiving the education I really deserve. I don't want to go to community college just because I can't afford anything else, but it's unlikely I'll ever be able to afford going to somewhere like the University of Michigan. This is obviously a dilemma.

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