Thursday, July 24, 2014

Gel Pen Reflections

When we were teens exchanging greeting cards, my BFF Tori and I had a sacred tradition. We would gather all of our gel pens and write dozens of little notes on the card as tiny as possible. We would fill the entire card so there was literally no space left to write anything else. It was a great tradition that we have since gotten a little lazy with.



Last week I found a pack of hard copy Some E-cards and the one on the front perfectly described my lifelong friendship with Tori. So I gathered up my now pathetic stash of coloured pens (blue, black, and red) and wrote as tiny as possible (which, by the way, is difficult after years of relying on keyboards).

Maybe it's the beer talking, Tori, but you've got a butt that won't quit (no homo).

In the card, I posed the question to Tori, "what would your younger self think of you now?" After receiving the card, Tori told me she hadn't ever really thought about it, but she supposed she'd be confused by her current haircut and job, but that she'd probably admire her apartment and cat (which I helped her obtain by pretending to be her mom...it's a good story). Tori posed the same question back to me and I decided I'd make a blog entry out it, mostly because I haven't written an introspective entry lately.

Maybe because I'm overly reflective, I often think about what my younger self would think of me now.

As a kid, I think I definitely had some weird ideas about myself. I was fascinated by the idea of having a "real name," IE having a different name on your birth certificate than what you go by. I hadn't seen my birth certificate as a kid, so I didn't know it said plain old "Jaime" on it. I remember always bragging to my friends that my real name was something other than Jaime. For example, I learned that my mom had watched The Bionic Woman in the 70s and decided she liked the name Jaime for a girl. I took this to mean I was named after The Bionic Woman, and this was very exciting to me. I liked the idea of being named after someone; it seemed special and important. She told me the actress who played Jaime was named Lindsay. Thus, I surmised that my REAL NAME must be Lindsay, and I can remember telling a skeptical friend about it.

As I got a bit older and was being teased relentlessly at school, I took much of it to heart. I thought I was smart and funny, but I also thought I was ugly, undesirable to boys, and destined to be a geek forever.

Seriously, did I mention I was a geek?

I actually remember thinking my life goal should be to find a man who would marry me, because I felt like I was going to really have to work to find anyone who would actually like me. Now, looking back, I feel like there is a giant chasm between how I envisioned my future self and who I am now.

As far as boys are concerned, I haven't really spent much time single or at the least, not casually dating. Also, as you may be aware, I was married briefly in my early 20s. So I guess I had to come up with a new life goal.

Younger Jaime would probably be impressed that 2014 Jaime is in decent shape, plays sports, and exercises regularly. I've never been naturally talented in any sport, but I do enjoy the sports I play now (curling, soccer, hockey) and I love running. I always wanted to be a runner so I think Young Jaime would be excited about that.

Younger Jaime would definitely not be impressed at my lack of a diploma or a degree (I do have a certificate); however, Younger Jaime would think it's insane that I chose moving to Nunavut over going to college. Young Jaime would have been ecstatic that not only did I get to see Hudson Bay, I actually lived on it for 2 years.

Younger Jaime would probably also refuse to believe that I now work in a male dominated industry and fit in well with my coworkers. Younger Jaime would probably wonder how the hell I got into law enforcement.

I think my younger self would also be impressed that I've managed to style my wavy, unwieldy hair into something that looks semi-decent, and that Future Jaime dresses so much better.

Truthfully, Younger Jaime would probably not be impressed that I've been living with my dad for 4 years, and she would think it's crazy that I'm engaged to an American and plan to move stateside some day. I think Young Jaime would think Anthony is out of her league, although truthfully, 2014 Jaime still thinks that sometimes (2009 Jaime thought she had just another unrequited crush).

All in all, I do think Younger Jaime would be impressed and surprised and sometimes I fantasize about going back in time and telling my younger self all of this. Of course, that would create some trippy mind fuck and would probably mess everything up. But still.

Jaime and Tori: 2065?

Hopefully this long entry of self-reflection was at least somewhat interesting. If you've just woken up after falling asleep reading it, I'll take a coffee and some French toast, please!


Also, I think this entry perfectly fits into the title of my blog and the whole theme of your life turning into something unexpected, which I think is very true of my life. Kinda cool, huh! Look at me, coming up with these relevant entries, 4 years in...

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