Dear Sirius XM Channel 75 - Classical Pops,
I know it's really early on in our relationship, but we have a small problem. You see, before I met you, I used to listen to those other stations. You know, the ones that play Billboard Top 40 stuff, the 90s one, and the alternative rock one. In other words, the stations that replay the same music over and over.
I know you couldn't hear me, but I used to frequently yell at those stations. Sometimes I was even sarcastic. "Oh thanks, Sirius XM. I hadn't yet heard The Lumineers 'Ho Hey' for the 30th time today, thanks for making sure I did." Sometimes I pleaded and begged for somebody to hear that I was tired of Mumford and Sons, and everything else that I've heard so many times, my ears would practically bleed.
But then I met you, Pops, as you like to be called. You were my light in the dark. Your soothing classical tunes cured what ailed me. You seemed to never play the same thing twice. Your DJs provided interesting trivia about composers. And I know you can't hear me, but I never even yelled at you.
Until today, that is. You see, you and I have been close friends for over a month now. The only time I ever cheat on you is to listen to your sister station, Symphony Hall.
Pops, I have something to tell you. Please bear with me as this news may be hard to hear. I think you have amnesia. For the past few days, I've been hearing repeats. I know, I know, but please just listen until the end. Pops, you're not even replaying more obscure songs, you're replaying the most played-out music in the classical genre. I'm still a baby at all this but even I've heard Vivaldi's The 4 Seasons enough times, and let's not forget about your ill-timed replaying of Tchaichovsky's The Nutcracker. Pops, what month is it? No. It's August, Pops. Christmas isn't for another 4 months.
Worst of all, Pops, you played The 4 Seasons twice today. Were you aware of this? I realize in your condition it may be tough, but please try to rise above all those other stations like Sirius Hits 1 and The Pulse. Please, please.
This is so hard for me to talk about, Pops. I left all those other stations to be with you. You promised me more relaxing commutes, you promised me variety, and now you're kind of letting me down.
Think it over. If you decide not to change, I may have to break up with you. We'll still be friends, of course, but I may need to start seeing other stations. You understand, right?