The Return?

Tap tap...is this thing on?

I doubt anybody noticed but at some point in the past few years, I locked this blog. My last post was in 2017, about immigrating to the USA. I was looking forward to writing about the move. However, after moving, days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, as I became increasingly self-conscious of my blog. I moved to Michigan on the heels of Trump taking office for the first time, and felt like the nostalgic navel gazing of a middle-class white woman didn't need to be occupying space. More important conversations were taking place and since I typically don't have anything worthwhile to add to the discussion of current events, I stopped posting. A few years later, I locked it from public viewing. I was content with this decision for several years.

At some point maybe a year ago, I started toying with the idea of opening the blog back up. While I hadn't missed the persistent albeit mild pressure to post entries, I did miss writing for an audience, even if it was an audience of one or two. I continue to write in my (more or less private) Livejournal but writing for an audience flexes a different muscle. Has the political world improved since 2017? Hell no. I don't even need to expand on that. I guess I naively thought we'd eventually put this dumpster fire out, but now that the trash-scented flames have enveloped us all, I've mostly lost hope of the world ever going back to how we used to know it. That's not to say that I find absolutely everything to be shit; there is still good in the world. I just feel like, at some point, it's time to carry on and do what brings me joy.

Dumpster Fire GIFfrom Dumpster GIFs

I also started thinking about how I only have a few friends on Facebook who post anything of substance, and how much I enjoy reading literally anything they have to say. Sadly, two such friends passed away this year. I miss them and I miss reading their thoughts and stories. I thought, maybe my friends feel the same way about my writing as I feel about theirs. Maybe there is space for my stupidity stories. I don't regret privatizing my blog for a few years, but I do regret some of my posts, so I've taken some of them down. Some of them are so cringy to me, part of what has taken me so long to get back on the horse has been the fear I'll end up regretting the posts I make going forward. Then again, the fact I find them cringy means I wouldn't write the same post today. All I ask is that if you read something of mine from years ago and you're tempted to judge me negatively, go ahead, but please recognize I might have something different to say on the topic now. It's been 10 years(!!) since I wrote here regularly.


I just realized writing here again creates a place to post my favourite relevant memes and whatnot. That's exciting.

I can't and won't commit myself to writing regularly, but I'd like to have the platform to do so when I feel like it. In the words of Oasis, whom I was lucky enough to see three times this summer: hello, hello, it's good to be back.

Post-mortem:
Anthony: [seeing my computer screen] Oh boy, Unexpectedly Jaime!
Me: Yup, I'm opening the blog back up!
Him: What are you going to blog about?
Me: Returning to blogging.

Him: Very meta of you.

Moving to America

I figured I would write this post because my friends and family have been naturally curious about my whole "visa thing" but understandably know very little about it. In the seven years I've been with Anthony, I've learned that people think they understand the immigration process, but more often than not, they really don't. I've also learned that some people think it's so complicated that I couldn't possibly know what I'm talking about. I'm happy to say that it's actually pretty straight-forward once you understand the steps involved and the ideas behind them.

My life, as of April 2017 (Image source)

For starters, nobody (except a US citizen) can just pick up and move to the USA. Being married to an American doesn't grant automatic residency or citizenship. Being married to an American doesn't even guarantee approval for a visa, as there are several factors that could lead to a denial.

The purpose of a visa is to allow you to present yourself at a port of entry and ask to be let in. It is not a guarantee you'll be let in.

So now that I have that out of way, here's a little bit about our story and a little bit about how fiancé(e) and spousal visas work, since we've been through both.

As you may know, Anthony and I began dating at the end of 2009. We knew very early on that we wanted me to move to Michigan, so we applied for a K-1 visa in June 2010. The K-1 visa is a fiancé(e) visa that allows the foreign partner to move to the USA faster than with a spousal visa (AKA a CR-1/IR-1 visa). Once the foreign fiancé(e) moves to the USA, they have 90 days to get married and file the second part of the paperwork (i.e. adjusting their status to that of a permanent resident). The foreign partner must stay in the USA for about three months to "adjust status" while the paperwork is processed. When that is complete, the immigrant will receive a permanent resident card, AKA green card.

The amount of time it takes to get a K-1 visa varies based on which processing centre receives the case and also how backlogged the processing centers are that month/year. I've heard of people getting a K-1 visa in three months. Had we gone ahead with our K-1 visa, it would have been ten months. As it turns out, we have a knack for getting stuck in backlogs.

The CR-1 visa takes a little longer because the status adjustment stuff I mentioned above is done before the visa is issued. The amount of time to get a CR-1 visa is about 9 months to a year, if all goes well. Some countries have a high green card fraud rate, which can delay the process. Canada is considered a low-fraud country so Canadian family members aren't scrutinized too much. There is no limit on visas for spouses of US citizens, so there is no waiting for a priority date like with other visas.

The K-1 and the CR-1 visas involve similar stages. They start with a petition to the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS). A petition is a fancy way of saying the US citizen sends a bunch of forms and a bunch of money asking if their family member can be considered for a visa. Once the petition has been approved by USCIS, the case goes on to the National Visa Center. With the CR-1 visa, this stage requires sending in more forms and more money. The NVC says on their website that once they receive your paperwork, it takes two to four weeks for it be reviewed. In our case, NVC was backlogged at the time so it took eight weeks.

Both visas (and all US visas as far as I know) require the applicant to undergo a medical examination prior to the interview by a physician approved by the US government. There are precious few of these physicians; five in all of Canada (three of which are in Toronto, fortunately for me, unfortunately for the rest of the country). The medical exam isn't covered by provincial healthcare, and it costs about $300CAD or so if you have all the required vaccinations. It also has to be a designated panel physician; you can't just hop across the border and have a US doctor sign the form.

Once the NVC reviews everything, the case goes onto the embassy or a consulate in the applicant's home country. In my case both times, that US consulate is in Montreal. People were really shocked when I told them that Montreal is the only US consulate in Canada that processes spousal visas. Some people even implied that I must have screwed up somehow, but that's really how it is.

So why does it seem like I've been taking forever to move? Well for starters, as I mentioned, we didn't go through with the K-1 visa after all. I decided I didn't want to quit my job even if I lived in the USA, so the only reasonable option was for me to get transferred to Windsor, so I could commute from Ann Arbor.

A transfer to Windsor wasn't an easy thing. I kept getting offered positions, only for the manager to turn around and rescind the request, because the funds weren't available to fill the position. It was as frustrating as it sounds. There was nothing on the horizon in Windsor when we finally got married in spring 2015. It was nerve-wracking getting married, not knowing if I would ever get transferred to Windsor. Commuting from Ann Arbor to Sarnia every day was out of the question. By December 2015, we decided we couldn't wait forever and sent in the CR-1 paperwork. As luck would have it, I found out at the beginning of January 2016 that I was finally transferring to Windsor. Funny how perfect the timing was after four years of waiting. It did throw a slight wrench in the plans because I needed to sign a lease for an apartment in Windsor starting in April, and the visa would be ready and then expire well before then.

Our petition was approved in April, which stays valid for a year, meaning I had up to a year to send the next set of paperwork to NVC. I kept my eye on processing times and we sat on the NVC paperwork until October, hoping to time the interview in Montreal with the end of my lease. At the very end of 2016, I found out my interview was scheduled for mid-February 2017. In January, I went for my medical in Toronto. Crazily enough, you're not even told if you pass as the results are in a sealed envelope you're forbidden from opening. I just had to assume no news was good news. Earlier this month, Anthony and I took a weekend trip to Montreal for my interview, where the visa was finally approved. The interview was probably the easiest part of the whole process.

The visa itself is good for six months after the medical exam so it gives me lots of time to get rid of things and prepare to move in April.

Contrary to what a lot of people think, getting a visa isn't the same as getting citizenship. I will need to live in the USA for three years before I can apply for citizenship, which I plan to do. Permanent residents who live in the USA for any other reason than marriage have to wait five years before naturalizing.

Me in 3 years

I've also had people tell me they know Canadians who married Americans and then just moved to the USA right away, no paperwork in hand. If they could do it, what am I doing wrong? I never know what to say, because you legally need a visa to move there. I don't know if there are a lot of Canadians lying to border guards, but it is illegal to enter the USA with the intention of immigration if you do not have a valid visa. It's also illegal to misrepresent yourself to a border patrol agent, for obvious reasons.

Still me 100%

Also, everybody wants to make a joke about how I'm moving to America at the worst possible time, with Trump as president and all. While I'm not thrilled about Trump and it definitely puts a damper on my excitement, it doesn't and it can't take away all my joy. At the risk of sounding cheesy, Trump can't take away the love between two people. The most important thing is that I finally get to live with my husband. We can finally live our lives together in a way that most couples take for granted. All Anthony and I have wanted since we met was to go through life together, and that includes good times and bad times. So all things considered, I am excited for this next phase of my life and hopefully I will get at least a few interesting blog posts about it. So stay tuned...

No More Braces!

Well, it's time for a braces update! Sorry it's kind of long-winded, that's just my way and you should know that by now!

Shortly after my last post, I woke up one morning to find that left molars were making just the slightest bit of contact. I was shocked, to say the least. We continued trying to pull them together until October, when my orthodontist agreed that it was probably as good as it was going to get, and it's getting to be time to take the braces off and just accept imperfect results.

I had another appointment in mid-November and I was so excited and nervous about whether he'd bring up removing the braces. At the very end, he said they were ready to come off any time, so I wanted the next available appointment! They actually had the next day but cautioned me I'd just had an adjustment so it's better to wait. In the end, I waited 13 days and those days dragged so slowly.

I was kind of hoping I would get a specific assistant at my removal appointment because she's always been so nice and supportive. She's been working on me since the very beginning. I remember she told me when I first got started in 2013 that they have some patients that they just know are going to have a really beautiful smile, and I was one of those people and she was looking forward to seeing my results. Fortunately, she was assigned to me for my removal so I was happy about that.

I'd read several blogs, talked to people I knew who had braces, and watched several videos about the removal process so I would be prepared. In the end, I felt like the process wasn't as bad as I'd heard. There were only a few moments of pain and they were over quickly. I had forgotten to take ibuprofen beforehand and I was fine.

When I finally got to look at my naked teeth about an hour after the start of the appointment, my teeth looked HUGE! I had heard other brace faces say that about their own teeth and I was convinced I wouldn't think that. I think it's just the shock of seeing so much unobscured white. Speaking of white, I was also shocked to see I had zero staining from the braces. I had always just assumed I would need to do a round of whitening afterwards because of how much black coffee I drink. I also didn't think I did that great a job of brushing, but the assistants told me I'd taken good care of my teeth. I do have one cavity, where one of the molar bands was.

I spent the rest of the day in Sarnia seeing people I knew and enjoying food! It was very strange eating my first meal sans braces, which I did very soon after leaving the orthodontist. It was just as weird as the first meal with braces, but the opposite feeling of weirdness, if that makes sense. It felt amazing. I love chewing without braces, it's still a novelty to me.

Two weeks later, I picked up my retainer, a purple Hawley (the kind with the wire). I decided to purchase an Essix (invisible tray style) to wear during the day because I have to wear a retainer 24/7 for the first year, and I am sick of having metal on my teeth.

Aside from that fun, I am still battling jaw pain and tightness, which I have been since the surgery. Some days are worse than others. Sometimes my jaw clicks relentlessly while I eat, and sometimes it doesn't at all. I would have to say that as far as TMJ symptoms, it become quite a bit worse since surgery. I probably need to go back to my physiotherapist and start actively working on stretching my jaw more.

So after all this, things aren't perfect. My left side still doesn't make contact other than my canine and my second molar. I think my surgeon should have tilted the left side of my jaw down since I have a slight cant. The right side of my lip lifts up noticeably higher, making the cant look worse. I will post a photo that shows both of these things. I am a little disappointed by these things and I do think I should have gotten a second opinion before I had the braces taken off. I don't regret not getting another opinion, but it will always be a "what if" in my mind.

Overall, I am happy I went through everything and I am happy despite falling short of the expected perfection. I am a little self-conscious of my wonky lip but I honestly doubt most people will ever notice it. Mostly, I'm just glad to be done. So. Freaking. Glad. I just want to get back to a place in life where I'm not thinking about my teeth all the time. At this point, I've spent considerable time thinking about my teeth every single day for three years. One could argue that it's not emotionally healthy to be so focused on something like that for so long.

The very first no-braces selfie I took!

My new friend, Hawley. We'll be going to bed together every night for the rest of my life.

Retainer smile.

Here's where you can see that my lip isn't symmetrical, worsening my slight cant. It wasn't from surgery; it's been like that for years.

Before and after

And here's some of the garbage I went through to get where I am now:

The day I got my RPE installed, but before any treatment had actually begun. RPE = hell. This is THE "before" photo!

Hey Jaime, The Gap called...

Two days post-op from double jaw surgery + sliding genioplasty

Trying really hard to smile two weeks post-op.

Elastics prison.

Now you'll find me staring at my teeth in any reflective surface I can find!
I did two vlogs recently as well. One right before I got my braces off, and one the day after. Here they are:


If you're reading this in the future, feel free to ask my questions about SARPE, braces, and/or jaw surgery. I'd be happy to answer your questions.

I also recommend acquainting yourself with ArchWired which has been an invaluable part of this process for me. Check out the Metal Mouth forum while you're there. You may even run into me on there, I'm still an active poster and probably will be for awhile.

25+ Months of Braces & 13 Months Post-Op Double Jaw Surgery

I haven't written about my braces stuff in awhile as it's been mostly boring and annoying.

Yes, that's right, I STILL have my braces on! When I originally went for my surgical consultation in 2013, they said I would have to keep the braces for 6-12 months after surgery. I'm now 13 months post-op and will have the braces until at least September at this point.

If I understand my orthodontic appointments, it seems like everything is good to go EXCEPT that my left side still doesn't make contact. We tried with elastics last year from July to November and if there was any movement, it was minimal. We gave up trying when my overjet relapsed and focused on that instead. Now that overjet is fixed, we're trying again to close the left side. I asked my orthodontist if he's ever seen a case where the second attempt at elastics worked after a failed first attempt. He said, "I've never seen it not work the first time." Ugh.

I had an appointment on Tuesday and I was so certain he'd agree that it wasn't improving, and I could tell him to forget about it and just remove the braces. However, he seems to think the bite IS closing a little bit so we're going to continue trying for another 7 weeks.

It was the first time I left an appointment trying not to cry. Sure, it's great that maybe the bite is closing (I disagree that it is) but I've been feeling DONE with this for a long time. At this point, I feel like I'm being dragged unwillingly to the finish line. I just want it to be over. I don't care anymore.

As mentioned, I'm 13 months post-op. I saw my surgeon in February and again in June. As far as he is concerned, everything looks really good. He did recommend I go for physiotherapy to help with my ROM, and I have been going since late April. At the start, I could only open 30-33mm (I forget), but I'm now up to 40mm which is the low end of normal, but it's as far as my physio thinks I can do with my small mouth.

Eating has gotten much easier now that I can open my mouth more. Chewing has also been slowly improving, although I'm not back to 100%. I suspect it'll be a couple of years after the braces come off that it'll really feel strong again. I have had a steak which did hurt my mouth a bit, and carrots are still a no-go.

Swelling is all the way down and stays down now. It really does take a year for it to stop fluctuating. My nose seems bigger now that the swelling is completely down, which sucks. I really enjoyed how small it looked immediately after surgery.

The roof of my mouth behind my front teeth is still numb but I generally don't notice. Occasionally this results in me accidentally spitting food out if I'm eating while socializing. I'm not sure if it's the braces or the numb palate, but I am still kind of a sloppy eater. The only way I've actually noticed my chewing has improved from all of this work is that I can take nice clean bites with my front teeth. That really is an amazing feeling that most people are totally oblivious to.

The front of my chin still has reduced feeling but is verrrrrry slowly improving. I think my upper gums are numb but it's hard to tell. SARPE left me with some nerve weirdness over my right canine and bicuspid.

Overall, I'm annoyed and it's been difficult to keep a positive outlook. It's a big part of why I haven't updated my blog. Just writing this stuff makes me angry. Two of the people I met online who also had double jaw surgery last June still have their braces and even though I think we're all pretty frustrated, it is SO good to know I'm not alone. Whenever I google something like "1 year post-op double jaw surgery," almost everybody has their braces off. If I didn't personally know others going through the same thing, I think I would be in a much worse place mentally.

I did vlogs every month for a year, and here is the latest one:

Things I Like Lately: June 2016 + My Favourite YouTube Videos

I have a braces and jaw surgery post in the works right now, but it's time for another rendition of Things I Like Lately!

Walkerville Honest Lager

Like many a millennial, I enjoy a good craft brew. My taste for dark beers waxes and wanes...right now I'm on a lager kick. The local brewery, Walkerville Brewery, has an excellent lager called Honest Lager. It's refreshing! I do wish they came in regular 355mL cans, though. Sometimes 473mL makes me a little too sleepy to do anything productive after work.

The Hills

Anthony came into Windsor last week and demanded suggested we go to a used video game store. I obliged of course, and discovered they sell used DVDs, too. I got the first three seasons of The Hills for $17. If you didn't know, I am not above liking complete and utter trash. See: my love for fast food and pop music.

The kids from The Hills are the same age as I am, so it's fun to look back on fashion of 2005-2006. It's a lot uglier than I remember it. It's also slightly disturbing that all their underaged drinking isn't acknowledged at all. I think the most enjoyable thing is realizing how far we've all come from being 20 year olds. I'm not a rich kid from southern California, but I -- like a lot of these celebs -- am now settled with a good job and a wedding ring.

Hair Straightening Brush

I keep seeing ads for StraightFix on my Facebook feed lately. It looked interesting and there were MANY positive reviews for it. They were asking $70USD for one, which is apparently "50% off" although I could find no proof they've ever actually sold one for $140. Fortunately I'm not a sucker, and I checked Amazon before committing myself to $70USD ($90CAD).

As it turns out, the brush StraightFix sells is some sort of generic brush that is rebranded and sold by several different companies. I found the exact same brush for as low as $12USD. I decided to spend a bit more and go with a reputable Amazon store, and got one for $20USD ($25CAD) with Prime shipping. Score.

I've tried it out a few times and it works really well! If you're used to using a flat iron, I would describe the brush as doing about 90% of the work in about 5 minutes. It's good enough that you can go from wild, unstyled hair to something presentable in 5 minutes. It won't be perfect, but it'll be decent.

Video of Deer Screaming

I'm over it now, but I think I've watched this 1000 times earlier this month. I never knew deer screamed like this, and it's hysterical. I love how nonchalant the deer looks about screaming bloody murder.

1980s-1990s Nostalgia

Since turning 30 last month, I've been on this nostalgia kick. I love looking at lists of 1990s toys. The greatest thrill comes from seeing something you completely forgot about. This list brings back quite a few memories. This Old Toy is also a great reference for Fisher Price toys spanning 1931-2000. Retro Junk also has some really fun articles about various 1980s-1990s toys, food, TV shows, and more.

It was hard to decide on a photo for this one, but I went with my main obsession as a 3-5 year old kid: good old Alf.

This photo of my brother and I accurately depicts being a child in 1990. Oh, there I am in his hand-me-downs again!

SimCity SNES

Going along with my 1990s nostalgia and the visit to the used video game store, I got it in my head that I needed to beat SimCity SNES once and for all. I tried and tried as a kid on an actual SNES, but also never came close as an adult with the Wii's virtual console. This time, I wisened up and read some guides on how to beat the game, which is to achieve a population of 500,000+.

On Wednesday, after trying for 3 or 4 days and at least as many attempts, I finally did and man, did it feel good. My 12 year old self would be proud.

P.S. If you're looking for other videos I have been obsessed with at one time or another, look no further:


Cracks me up every time.


Every election time, I am reminded of this excellent parody.


I always loved this even in the 90s, but I watched it a lot when I found out I was going to be an aunt, too. :)


Probably my #1 favourite.




This is real, and you probably should turn the volume down if there are children present...


This one is too good not to watch.


Anthony and I still quote this, nearly 6 years on.


My favourite commercial.


😈🐟

Things I Like Lately: March 2016

It's been a few months since I did one of these so here we go!!

Major Lazer
Electronica is definitely my music genre of choice, and has been since I was a kid. Since I decided to end my Sirius XM subscription, I now have to scour the iTunes charts to find new music.

Major Lazer came up as the #1 electronica album back in December and I was all over it. I think I like the second album better than the first, but there are some good tunes on the first one. I like to listen to Major Lazer when I drive to hockey as it gets me pumped up.



Grimes
Grimes' new album Art Angels was also the #1 on iTunes' electronica charts a few weeks after I got into Major Lazer. I had heard of Grimes but knew nothing about her. The album was a good transition from Melanie Martinez who also does dark, sombre electronic pop. Well, I must have listened exclusively to Art Angels for 2 or 3 weeks straight. When I get really into an album, I end up getting obsessed with one song at a time. I went through each song on Art Angels and obsessively listened to each one for a day or two, before my brain would get obsessed with another song.



Fuller House
I grew up watching Full House like so many others so I'd been excited about the Fuller House return. I haven't finished the whole season yet but I plan to this week. Truthfully, the show is pretty awful, but it's entertaining enough and a nice trip down memory lane.

Love
This is a Netflix show which only has one season out. I watched all of it pretty quickly. It's kind of like Fuller House in that it's not very good, but it's entertaining and watchable. The characters are pretty detestable which is part of the concept of the show, but I found the two main characters' personalities kind of inconsistent and poorly written. They were missing that "awful but loveable" quality like Al Bundy, Walter White, or the cast of Seinfeld. It made it hard to really dig the show or characters, but I will probably watch season 2 when and if it comes out.


All of the good moments from season 1 are in this trailer, BTW.

Korean Dramas on Netflix
I was home in Sarnia one weekend in February. I was coming down with a cold and buzzing from beer, and somehow I started watching a Korean drama on Netflix. I watched 5 hours' worth in one sitting. I don't know a lot about k-dramas but the episodes are longer than North American shows, but there are fewer of them. They're somewhere in between a mini-series and a full season of a show. I don't know if they're all romantic dramas like the one I watched (the trailer is below), but it was basically like watching a 16-hour-long Nicholas Sparks movie. I was fuckin' hooked, yo.


This one is called "This is My Love" on Netflix, although it goes by various names.

New Royal Family Photos
Last time I did one of these updates, there were new photos of Charlotte. I started this entry the night before more photos were released which is kind of a funny coincidence. I love seeing new photos of George and Charlotte.

I don't even care how nerdy it is that I love the royal family.

National Joint Council Relocation Directive
The NJC RD is the policy that governs federal employee moves. This one is mainly a joke but I threw it in because dun dun dun...I am FINALLY moving to Windsor. It's been a long four years waiting for this to happen and it still sort of feels like I'm dreaming!

In case you're wondering, I will live in Windsor for a year while my US visa (green card) application is in the works. We submitted the paperwork in December, so presumably I will have the visa in hand sometime in early 2017. After that, I will move to Ann Arbor and begin commuting to Windsor. I have no plans to find a job in Michigan.

Come visit me in Windsor! I will finally be able to host guests as I won't be living with a parent anymore! I have a pull-out couch and can make a mean omelet!

8 Months Post-op Double Jaw Surgery & Sliding Genioplasty

It's been three months since I made an update about my jaw, so I figured I would write a new post.

I've been keeping up with my vlogs on YouTube every month because it's easier to make a video than it is to type up an entry, take photos, and then upload said photos. So check out my channel here.

Numbness:
The inside of my mouth feels completely normal now. The nerves in my palate right behind my front teeth might be damaged, but I can't really tell. I don't know how sensitive it was before the surgeries or if that part of the palate is just dull for everyone. For instance, if I rub a finger along that spot, I don't really feel it. But I'm sure I would feel it if I was poked with something sharp.

Swelling:
It continues to go up and down. I looked really swollen in my 7-month post-op video and I have no idea why. I don't notice the fluctuations unless I've made a video or taken a photo and compare it to old ones.

Chewing:
This continues to improve slowly. Still can't chew raw veggies. I tried to bite into a slice of grilled carrot in January and it made me sore for a few days. If something is difficult to cut with a butter knife, chances are, I will struggle to chew it. But I don't feel too restricted anymore...the only things I consciously avoid are raw vegetables, steak, and crispy bacon.

Ortho Appt:
I had an orthodontist appointment last week. To my dismay, I am back in class II triangle elastics because my overbite has relapsed again. I've been extremely frustrated for months because it seems I've gotten no closer to getting my braces off. My ortho and I had a good conversation about it, and he actually admitted that I am not progressing properly. He is "puzzled" about why my bite won't close on the left, and why my class II keeps relapsing. I also still have limited ROM in my jaw; I can't open as far as I should be able to, nor can I move my jaw forward or side to side.

Two days after my appointment, I got a call from the surgeon's receptionist saying he wanted to see me, "ASAP." Ugh. I am going on Monday to get another x-ray. I hope I get some answers as to why things aren't going well. I've relaxed now but for a few days I was petrified I was going to need another surgery.

Other:
I do have some good news that sounds like bad news. In December, my TPA wire started bothering me all of a sudden one day. I called the ortho's office and they had me come in immediately. The right side of the wire was embedded in the tissue so my ortho removed it and said it can stay out unless necessary. I was thrilled. It still feels weird to have my tongue rest in my palate completely. I am still super aware of my palate all the time but it's getting better. I no longer have a lisp when saying K sounds which is great. I will admit that now that it's out, I realize it really wasn't that obtrusive.

Photos:


Not sure why the quality of this photo is so bad, sorry.



Swelling pretty much gone.


I love how I look from the side now, big improvement.

And in case you forget what I looked like pre-surgery:




I still have some lip incompetence.


Open bite.


Latest Video:

Things I Like Lately

Now that NaBloPoMo is over, I've come to two conclusions: I like blogging regularly but blogging daily is far too much.

Something that's been on my mind for a few weeks is the idea of doing a semi-regular post about stuff I've been digging lately. I don't like overloading my Facebook with links and images, so consolidating them into a blog post would be better. Also, I imagine I will have some weeks where I have nothing to post and that's fine. I'll only post when I have a few things I want to share.

So here's the first edition of Things I Like Lately!

New Princess Charlotte Photos:

Photos by Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge
The new photos of Princess Charlotte. It's no secret that I'm a big royal family fan and in particular, I love seeing new photos of Catherine and her children. How freaking adorable is Charlotte? Seriously.


Julianne Moore acting for tips in Times Square:



Both the host Billy and Julianne are hilarious. Julianne Moore is probably my favourite actress. I've since watched a ton of other Billy on the Street videos and they're pretty funny. I think they are, anyway. I sent one to Anthony and he didn't like it, pfft.


This comic:



Melanie Martinez:

I've been binge-listening to the Cry Baby album for days. I'm even going through that phase where I have withdrawals when it's been more than an hour since I've listened to it. I'd never heard of Melanie Martinez until I Shazamed a song last week in a bar and her name came up. She was on The Voice a few years ago and recently released an album. I dig it, man. I dig it hard.



Master of None:

Over the weekend while I was sick with a cold, I opened Netflix in search of something to watch. I came across Master of None and within 3 days, I finished the first season, which is unfortunate because there's only one season so far. I've been talking about it to everybody who I think would like it. It reminds me a lot of Seinfeld but set in 2015. The dialogue is very realistic which makes it that much funnier. I could talk a lot more about the show but there are plenty of great reviews around that do a far better job detailing its merits.

My 20s: 20 & 21

On November 21st, I officially became closer to 30 than to 29...the last foggy breath of my 20s is merely lingering in the air, about to be snuffed about the cold, harsh reality of my 30s. Okay, I really don't feel that dramatic about it. I actually like getting older. For the last couple years, I've even thrown the 30 card out like it's a source of pride.

This is around the time that women start to feel uncomfortable admitting their age, but I've never felt like I'll be one such woman. I suppose this is made easier by the fact nobody can ever accurately guess my age. I'm still getting carded for booze and lottery tickets on the regular. Yeah, lottery tickets. Apparently I look 17 or younger. Every time I get carded for a lottery ticket, I can't help but laugh as I dig my ID out of my wallet.

17
The thing is, even though it's kind of a compliment to look 17, I definitely don't miss being 17. I will never be one of those people who wistfully sighs when reminded of their teenage youth. High school wasn't the best time of my life, far from it. Sure my skin was smoother, my hair shinier, my triceps less jiggly, but I was nowhere near as content, confident, or forgiving as I am now. I was actually kind of an asshole back then.

My twenties have been interesting in so many unexpected ways (hence the name of my blog). I might only live 100kms away from where my 20s started, but everything has changed.

Because this is going to be long, I am splitting it into several entries.

20 (May 2006 - May 2007): The dawn of my 20s had me working at a call centre in London, Ontario. It was my first experience living away from home and being "on my own" (I was living with my ex). In 2005, I started working at a call centre doing inbound technical support for an American Internet service provider. I was good at my job, but dealing with angry people all day was extremely draining and upsetting. I don't know how people mentally compartmentalize having people scream obscenities at them all day, because I sure wasn't able to. 

20th birthday in Montreal

I had few friends, no hobbies, never cooked, rarely cleaned. I'd go months without doing laundry, days without showering. I was a mess, physically and mentally. Looking back, I was a textbook case of depression, but I didn't realize it. I just thought I was getting used to the grueling "real world." I thought all there was to life was working and dreading going to work because that was literally all I did with my time. I dreaded going to work so much that I often had such severe anxiety on my "Monday" (Saturday), I couldn't fathom leaving the apartment and I'd have to call in sick. I can remember lying in bed before work and my heart would pound so hard with anxiety that the headboard would tap the wall with every beat. I was completely consumed with hating my life, it was all I thought about. When the opportunity arose to move to Nunavut, I gathered my things and excitedly said goodbye to everything I was leaving behind in Ontario, including my depression. My ex and I got married in July and moved away 12 days later. If I'm being totally honest, I'm not sure I had complete faith in the marriage from the start, but I thought it was "good enough" at the time to get married and I thought that was the best anyone could ask.

Leaving London did wonders for my mental health. I got over my depression and fell in love with Rankin Inlet right away. I had been accepted into Fanshawe College but because I left Ontario instead, I decided to go to school in Rankin. I took Management Studies at the community college which ended up being a good way to meet people and learn about Inuit culture first-hand, something I will forever cherish. I finished up 20 by being offered a temporary position with the federal government.

A day or two before I turned 21
21 (2007-2008): I turned 21 while on a plane to Halifax for my first vacation out of the north. When I returned from vacation, I began the aforementioned job, which I've long considered the best thing to happen to me. My job duties fit my skills nicely, and my experience at the call centre made the new job feel like a dream come true (you mean, I can go to the bathroom for more than 5 minutes and not get in trouble?!) I was often left alone in the office which was terrifying at first. After just 6 months of working there, my boss joked that I ran the place. The job and the organization were (and are) a good fit for my personality, which is why I'm still doing the same thing 8 years later.

Happiness, June 2007

I had been involved with community theatre as a teenager and met many wonderful people there, but it wasn't until I started this job that I really felt like my surroundings allowed me to flourish. It sounds corny, but my coworkers were so cool. They were into fitness and being all-around good, decent people. I started being more health-conscious and looking at the world in a more positive light. I also finally felt like I fit in, which I had never experienced before. 

The second half of 21 was rough, and it's when things started to go downhill in the marriage. I think people thought I thought I was blameless, but I fully admit I was 50% of the problem.

Selfie, November 2007, I was as emo as I looked (but damn that was a great eyebrow wax)

For no fewer than about 50 reasons, I decided I needed to not be married. It was a very difficult decision to make; I don't know how people with kids, mortgages, etc., do it. It was hard enough being 21 and only married for 18 months. Someone I thought was my good friend completely betrayed me in the process of "supporting" the divorce. Suffice it to say, it became abundantly clear I was making the right choice to leave.

Fortunately my work pulled through for me and offered me a position in Iqaluit. A few months before turning 22, I moved to Iqaluit alone and had to start all over again making friends and starting a new job. Those first few months were hell. My boss in Rankin had told me, "the next little while of your life is going to be nothing short of a roller coaster." He doesn't know how accurate he was. I had to learn to rely on myself fully for entertainment, cooking, cleaning, and everything I had taken for granted. I had nobody to talk to about any of the stuff I was going through, and it's a wonder I didn't drive myself insane. 

Emptiness/loneliness/having a whole bed to myself, Iqaluit, April 2008
By the time I turned 22, I was starting to become more comfortable with the new normal.

To be continued...

NaBloPoMo Day 25: Why I Blog

I have to admit that the blogging break I semi-intentionally took was pretty nice. I was in Ann Arbor from Thursday to Sunday and I just didn't feel like picking up my computer to write anything. I am going to finish the entries I had left to write, although there's only one or two more to go because I had a few days where I didn't have a topic. At this point, I don't really care. This was an experiment and it ended up being a challenge as I picked pretty heavy topics and had several days I had no time to write. Anyway, on with the post...

Back in 2013, I talked about how I've been journaling on the regular since 1998. It's something I'm really proud of, and I don't think I will ever not chronicle my life's inane events.

Blogging publicly is newer to me. I started in 2006 when I found out I would be moving to Nunavut. I started the blog because in those days, there was very little information for people moving north. I chronicled our entire move north, our acclimatization into northern living, my subsequent move to Iqaluit alone, and what it was like to leave the north and move back to Ontario.

However, blogging has not been without its headaches. There was a period of time where I was receiving negative attention via blog comments from people who had personal, non-blog-related issues with me, and thought insulting me "anonymously" online was a good way to get back at me...or something. It was frustrating and I started to feel like I should stop blogging, because then I wouldn't be giving these people more ammo with which to insult me. In the end I decided to just keep on doing my thing and ignore the haters, so to speak.



Fortunately, the storm has passed and those people seem to have moved on.

These days, my life is a lot less interesting in that I am a stereotypical millennial living a stereotypical life in a stereotypical place. I like blogging about my daily life, and I think there is value in writing about various personal things that others may shy away from.

Here are the reason why I've continued to blog for 9.5 years:

1. To help others. This is really the main reason I blog. I get a lot of hits on my blog from people looking for information pertaining to jaw surgery. Likewise, I have read many jaw surgery and braces blogs in the past 2 years, and I am grateful for every person who shares their experience. I don't know what I would have done without these people, because it's through their stories that I could be better prepared for my own surgery.

Before the jaw surgery, I would get lots of hits pertaining to the Wilton classes I took, and long before that, my Nunavut blog was very popular on Google. I heard from several people when I lived up north that my Nunavut blog had helped them either decide or prepare to move north.

As far as the more personal entries I've written, I think it's important to talk about topics others might not be willing to write about. I am happy to see mental health become less taboo to discuss and I am happy to contribute to reducing the stigma. I understand and respect people's desire for privacy, but if no one is willing to discuss the gritty details of life, how can we ever grow as individuals and as a society? I personally lose nothing by talking about my issues with body image, anxiety, and other struggles. If it helps someone else realize they're not alone in whatever struggle we may share, I've done my (unpaid) job. We so closely guard our weaknesses in life, especially from friends and family, but I don't necessarily think that's a good thing.

2. To meet people. I've met a few people because of my public blogs, as well as my private Livejournal. My husband Anthony is one such person, as he found my Nunavut blog back in 2009 and added me to Twitter. I've met a few of my Livejournal friends from over the years as well as a few people who used to read my old Nunavut blog. I've also met some of the "original" Nunavut bloggers.

3. Because I have a need to write. I love to write for an audience, but I'm not at all interested in doing it professionally. Blogging is really the perfect way to write something people (might) read, and there are no deadlines, editors, or topics you have to mind. Also, I do so much private writing on my Livejournal that I enjoy flexing a different muscle by writing something meant for a wider audience. These entries are more work but I like taking my time and crafting something I can be proud of.



4. To help myself. The best thing about writing is that it makes it easy to organize and recognize your feelings about something. If it's something that's bothering me, I pretty much always feel better after I write about it. Seeing your thoughts and feeling written into words often has the ability to help you see more objectively, which can be beneficial. I can't tell you how many times I've written something in my Livejournal that was bugging me, only to read back on it and think, "Holy crap this is stupid/common/not a big deal."

5. Because hearing "I read your blog" is the freakin' best compliment ever.

NaBloPoMo Day 24: Driving Anxiety

Well, I'm sitting down to try and pump out a few entries and I really wish I had some wine and cookies or something I now have wine and Lindor chocolates. Yes, I wrote that sentence and then decided that I'm a grown woman and I need wine and chocolate, so I went out and got them.

Today the topic is about my driving anxiety. I'm actually a little uncomfortable writing about it as it's something I only recently acknowledged about myself. It's going to be a bit of a longer entry as I've half-assed some entries this month which I'm not happy about.

I mentioned it briefly yesterday, but I used to have nightmares about driving and getting into accidents. Either the brakes wouldn't work or I'd realize I was sitting in the backseat and no one was steering the car (okay there, brain). By the time I was 16, I wasn't interested in learning to drive. Considering my mom is a driving instructor, she wasn't too pleased with me. I was very involved in community theatre at the time and was always needing rides downtown and whatnot. I didn't really think about whether or not I would eventually learn to drive, I just sort of waited to see how I felt.

When I started dating my now-ex, he put the pressure on me to get my license. Right around my 18th birthday, I wrote the test to get a beginner's license. I still remember that I got only one question wrong; the hand signal for a right turn. My mom ripped into me over it and nagged me for ages, despite the fact it was the only question I got wrong and it's hardly relevant to everyday driving.

I did my driving lessons through the school my mom works for, although not with her. No way in hell. Driving around town during non-lessons with my mom was bad enough since we would use the school's car with the passenger side brake pedal. I was a mouthy teenager as it was and so let's just say that my mom got called a few choice words when I was learning to drive and she'd grab the wheel or slam on the brakes for no reason whatsoever. Teenagers and driving instructors do not belong in the same family!


I really enjoyed my driving lessons and I did well. For the G1 exit test (to drive on your own but with restrictions), I had to drive in heavy snowfall. For the G2 exit test (to get your full license), I had to drive in heavy rain. Both times the weather played into me getting one or two errors, but I still passed both with scores in the 90s. Fortunately my mom had lightened up by this time, and was actually mad on my behalf that they held me to such high standards despite the poor road conditions. Even my driving instructor was mad at the road test centre for giving me any errors because I was such a great driver. /humblebrag

Shortly after I got my full license, the anxiety set in. I had to drive to London for a show I was involved in, and all we had in those days were shitty Mapquest printouts. I hated driving in new places and when I inevitably got lost, I was bawling my eyes out, trying to find a road that was actually on the printout. I have since gotten a GPS which made a huge difference as far as my fear of being lost.

I moved to London later that year and don't recall having any problems, except that I hated driving in that city. I would borrow J's car on my days off to go shopping. It always ended up with me swearing a blue streak at other drivers (through closed windows). I still hate driving in London to this day.

My anxiety went away when I drove up north because let's be honest, 40kmh/25mph is driving fast up there. Also, driving from Apex to Federal Road (ie one end of town to the other) takes maybe 6 or 7 minutes.

When I moved back to Ontario, that's when I really started to have a problem. My anxiety doesn't bother me so much before I drive or while I'm driving; I never dread driving anywhere. It's after the fact. I know that my big weakness in life is ruminating intensely for days over non-incidents. Shortly after I moved back, I was in a parking lot and darted across a section of the lot, nowhere near an approaching driver. As I parked my car, some lady I must have startled slowed down and angrily mouth "FUCK YOU" at me from her car. Nothing like that ever happened to me up north, and it bothered me for weeks.

Any kind incident in my car wrecks me mentally for at least a day, if not weeks. I lie in bed at night and obsess over the fact I accidentally cut someone off, or came close to side swiping somebody. In the spring I was nearly in an accident that would have been mostly my fault, but not 100%. But for probably a month, I was so scared I was going to cause an accident. I go through these phases a few times a year where I am absolutely convinced I'm going to cause an accident.

Any time I make a dumb mistake while driving, I feel so intensely guilty that I can't shake it. It replays in my mind over and over and I have to swear to myself 7000 times it'll never happen again. I don't know if other people are like this, but to me it feels unhealthy. Logically I know that everybody makes mistakes sometimes and that it won't be the end of the world if I do cause an accident. Nobody is perfect and if I caused an accident, it doesn't necessarily make me a bad person. I don't drive drunk and I have tried to retain all my good habits from driving school. I am doing the best I can.

However, no logic could help when it came to the accident that Anthony and I witnessed in 2013. I don't think I've talked about it too much, but we were driving to Kincardine for a weekend. It was getting dark and out of nowhere, we saw a truck fly across the road ahead of us and end up in a yard. Long story short, we stopped to help, called 911 and discovered there were actually two vehicles. Both drivers were unconscious and neither survived. That was a first for me and I hope it's the last. I still don't like driving on rural roads at night, and I am brought to tears just by seeing smashed up cars as I drive by accidents now. It was a very sobering reminder about how dangerous driving can be.

Obviously, witnessing that accident didn't help my anxiety and if anything, it has become worse. Sometimes I lie in bed at night after a day of driving with no incidents, and I obsess over whether I was actually paying enough attention while driving. Nothing went wrong, but I could swear I could have done better.



A big part of why I hate driving is, of course, other drivers. I expect other drivers to use their turn signal, not hog the left lane, not roll through stops or turn into the wrong lane, but I've learned my expectations are way too high. People just plain suck at driving. Canadians best be glad I'm not the Prime Minister because holy moly would I ever change things when it comes to having a driver's license. Okay, driver licensing is actually managed by each province/territory but it is way too lax in my opinion. How I would change things could fill a whole other blog entry so we'll just leave it at the fact that some day I might just cut up my license with a pair of scissors and vow to take the bus everywhere.



I have no real conclusion for this post, because there is no denouement to my anxiety. I don't have a nice little bow to wrap it up in and present it to you like I'm somehow getting better, because I'm not.

I would be interested to hear if other people have issues with driving similar to mine, and how you manage it.

NaBloPoMo Day 23: Being Childfree (Part 2)

In October I solicited topic ideas for this month, and one of the suggestions was that I discuss being childfree. I did discuss it a few years ago (see this post), but I focused more on the origins of my "childfreedom" rather than my current feelings about it. I feel like there is room to finish my thoughts on it, and so this will likely be the last time I talk about it. When it comes to life choices, too much talk can come across as sounding secretly unsure and trying in vain to cover the insecurity. That's why this will be the last of my posts about it.

If you didn't read my first post, this is a brief recap: growing up, my parents seemed to resent being parents and acted like raising kids was a mistake and a burden. My mom told me a few times her life would have been way easier if we/I weren't/wasn't around. Their harsh sentiments combined with their friendships with happy childfree people made a huge impression on me, and I decided in early childhood that I did not want to have children.
I do think it's entirely possible to overcome crappy parenting and I think my siblings and I are good evidence of that fact. We all have decent jobs, no criminal record, we vote, and we are otherwise productive members of society. My brother and his wife just recently had a baby which is awesome. I am so happy to see our family grow and change, since the dynamic has been the same for 24+ years.

I would be lying if I said that holding my niece for the first time didn't make my brain and ovaries go crazy for about a week, but I came out of the new baby fog back to the same old stance: motherhood is not for me.

For starters, I am an absolute wreck after just one bad night of sleep. Anthony and I recently went to Minneapolis for the weekend and despite the fact it wasn't an overly exhausting trip, I still ended up sleeping through my alarm for two hours on Monday morning.

After a few days to a week of bad sleep, I start to experience visual and auditory hallucinations at nighttime. For example, when I was an assistant stage manager for a musical in 2011, I was a little stressed out during "hell week" (the week before the show opens). Hell week involves several exhausting late nights in a row, and by the end of it, I was waking up in the middle night, hallucinating that I was backstage. It continued during the run of the show, with me waking up in the middle of the night and wandering around my room half-asleep, thinking I was backstage. I ended up having to take an afternoon off work to go home and catch up on sleep, as I was a zombie at work. This is just one example of my hallucinations, mind you.

I think about what having a child would be like: possible sleep deprivation for months, if not years on end. Would I even wake up for baby's cries? Would I become so zombie-like that I would potentially do something dangerous while sleep walking? I can't handle even one night of less than 7 hours of sleep. What about months? What about years? And even if I don't do something dangerous while sleepwalking, am I going to be in a compromised state of mind? Functioning on so little sleep, can I still be a good wife, friend, employee?



Some people seem to think that not having children is selfish, like apparently children are a debt you owe to society or something. My parents are well aware of my desire to not be a parent and they don't care. My mom has a granddaughter now and god willing, Anthony's mom will become a grandma in January, so I can wipe my hands clean of any lingering guilt I might have had about not giving them a grandchild. As far as the selfish remark goes, I don't understand how not having a child is selfish, but having a child isn't.  In many instances, children are brought into the world for purely selfish reasons, so I hope the whole "childfree people are selfish" thing dies a quick death.


I do admit that another large part of my desire to remain childfree is that I want to live my life in such a way where I really only need to worry about myself and Anthony. I want to be able to sleep in whenever I want, take naps whenever I want, disappear in a hot bath for hours on end, take an impulsive road trip, go to the bar with friends without needing to find a babysitter. Parents like to tell me that these things are so worth it or that it's different when it's your child, and I'm sure that's true. But looking at it from my perspective, I don't think I'd enjoy parenthood enough to sacrifice so much. I try to imagine a mini me smiling at me for the first time or saying something to me like, "You're my best friend, Mom!", and I feel zero desire to make that a reality. Imagining myself as a parent does not cause any emotions to bubble up in me other than indifference.

Of course, my subconscious loves to play the "imagine Jaime as a parent" game. I often dream about being a parent and I am always lousy at it. I mentioned it in my first post, but I often dream that I have a child and I forget about it for days on end. Someone will ask how my baby is doing and I'll be like, "Oh shit, I left that thing in the closet last week. I should probably go check on it, shouldn't I?" Then I spend the rest of the dream freaking out that I've probably just murdered my own offspring. I wake up sweating from those dreams.


Before I got my driver's license, I frequently dreamt about getting into car accidents. It was one of the reasons I waited until I was 18 to get my beginner's license. I look at the fact I have anxiety about driving and that driving constantly pisses me off, and I wonder if the connection between my parenting nightmares would be the same as my driving nightmares and how much I hate driving.

I think by far the biggest reason I choose not to have children is that I just feel no desire to raise a human being. I like taking care of things/people, but I don't want it to be a full-time job for the rest of my life. I am excited to be present for my niece's and future nephew's journey through life, and I am elated at the idea that I might get to be a part of their development, but I have no desire to be a primary caretaker. I don't feel any need whatsoever to help shape a human being into a happy member of society using my love and guidance. I understand that appeal to others, but there is nothing there for me. As I mentioned above, I imagine myself in various parenting situations (both the happy and the grueling) and I feel nothing. I used to feel disgust and repulsion, but now I just feel content with the idea that I don't need to be a parent. The older I get, the more content with it I feel...and that's all I can really say!

NaBloPoMo Day 22: Deciding to change my last name

Yesterday's post...I apologize for not being perfectly on schedule. I definitely underestimated how many days I would have where I just straight up did not have time to write. I am finding that I have to sacrifice other important things in order to get these entries done, which I'm not always willing to do.

I've talked about it before, but Anthony and I knew pretty early into our relationship that we wanted to get married. It was one of those cases of "when you know, you know." It still sounds silly to me, but it really was just like, "Yep, this is it!"

The first of several times I accidentally signed my maiden name instead of my married name!

All of this is to say that I knew very early on that I would take Anthony's last name when we got married. I didn't really think about it too much, other than sometimes letting my inner 14 year old girl take over by practising what my name and signature would look like.

Just a disclaimer that I am not going to use my last name in this entry as I don't like turning up in Google searches. I am fairly certain that I am the only Jaime "Last Name" that ever existed, making me that much more wary of using it here.

I'm not a traditional person in most ways, but taking Anthony's last name was important to me. I like the idea of sharing a family name and having my marriage be part of my public identity. We dated for over 5 years before getting married and in all that time, I didn't question it whatsoever.

That's why I was surprised when I found myself doubting the decision.

A few months before we got married, I had to apply for an employee ID card at work. I knew I wouldn't be getting the card until after we were married, so I had to ask my work to make the card with my new last name. Sending the email requesting it was surprisingly difficult. I stared at my words on the screen, not totally confident I wanted to take the plunge. I decided to take a night and sleep on it. I felt marginally better about it the next day, so I sent the email. That card was the very first thing I signed in my new last name.

The rest of the cards I needed to change did not present quite the same struggle. Still, it was weird to see a different last name next to my first name.

It hasn't helped that Anthony's last name is very Italian. If you see the spelling of it first, it's difficult to guess how it's pronounced. If you hear it first, it's even harder to spell. My own guess prior to our meeting was hilariously wrong. To this day I won't repeat how I thought it was pronounced, because I'm embarrassed at how incorrect it was. Anthony doesn't even know.

Having people constantly botch my name is annoying, although I know I am in good company as it's a common problem with surnames. I guess I've just been spoiled up until now.

My maiden name, Perry, is pretty generic and aside from the rare "Jaime Terry" showing up on things, I didn't usually have a problem. I now have to spell my first AND last name, usually twice for people. I realize it's not the worst problem in the world to have, but it has made accepting my new last name more difficult.

My other issue is that as far as I know, I am 0% Italian. I realize it's "just a name" but I've been calling myself a faux Italian as it feels weird to have a different ethnicity attached to my identity.

Of course, there is a Seinfeld episode that covers this exact problem:



If I ever give you a recipe for pasta or pizzelles, you may want to throw it in the trash. ;-)

If you have known me long enough, you may remember that I took my ex-husband's last name when I was previously married. I felt like it was a pretty seamless transition as his surname was English/Scottish and easy to pronounce and spell. I figured taking Anthony's last name would be as easy at that was, but since I am not even remotely Italian, it's been a lot more difficult.

My other problem is that taking a man's last name seems like a very outdated idea. I take issue with the fact that many men, my husband included, aren't even willing to discuss changing their last name after marriage. Why should we as women be expected to do something our husbands are not? And the idea that I'd be still be using my "maiden" name, like I'm some virginal young girl and not a grown-ass woman.

After considering all of these things, I still wanted Anthony and I to share a last name, so I just went with it. It's not a perfect solution, but I have made peace with it. I do really enjoy sharing his name and being "The Last Names." I also would really like to visit Italy sometime in the near future so that I can feel more connected to my phony Italian heritage. I need to find some low carb Italian recipes because it'd be nice to try cooking something Italian for Anthony.

Anyway, I hope none of this comes across as me having an opinion either way about whether women should or shouldn't keep their maiden name. I think the best thing you can do is be true to yourself and make the decision that you can live with.

NaBoloPoMo Day 21: Live blog of Michigan football

As per Anthony's suggestion, I'm live blogging today's University of Michigan football game. Since we started dating, Anthony has been amused by my novice observations about sports, which mostly have nothing to do with the game. I'm running out of ideas for posts so hopefully this turns out okay enough to post.

Today's Michigan game is against the Penn State Nittany Lions, which aren't even a real animal. I'm feeling optimistic that the wolverines, which are a real animal, can beat a mythological animal.

I'll be republishing this post every few minutes until the end of the game!

• Kick off: Penn State has possession first. I think this means Michigan won the coin toss.
• PSU gets the ball and runs to the 9th yard line. This doesn't bode well for Michigan's defense when it's only a minute into the game.
• I don't like these stickers on Michigan's helmets.
• Anthony is excited about a portly kicker on PSU but when a normal-sized dude lines up instead, there is disappointment abound.
• First commercial break. I only watch TV in Michigan so I don't know any of these commercials. I'm sure I'll be sick of them by the end of the day, though. That's right, these football Saturdays last alllllllll day. I have to surgically remove the couch cushion from my butt by midnight.
• Michigan now has possession. Oh I forgot to say PSU got a field goal when the skinny kicker came out. Score is 3-0.
• I miss Jake Neck Ryan:
• 
• Anthony is upset about something but I wasn't looking at the screen.
• I think he was upset about the "illegal touching," the funniest penalty/flag/foul/whatever they're called.
• I don't like Chik-fil-a commercials when I am not in a place where I can get Chik-fil-a
• Michigan gets a touchdown. Yay. 7-3 now.
• Both teams have white pants today. How many teams have official laundry people who curse all this white? I imagine the grass stains are awful.
• Some of these players are running out of space on their helmets for those dumb stickers. What happens when they do run out of space?!?
• Rudock got sacked and then on the next throw, PSU got the interception. 
• Marc hates the helmet stickers, too. I feel vindicated.
• Coach Harbaugh looks confused about that penalty. I know that feel, I'm usually confused about what's going on, too.

• Into the second quarter now. The game goes by much more quickly when I'm trying to figure out what to type here.
• PSU nearly got a touchdown but Michigan's defense blocked it. I take back what I said earlier about our defense.
• I can't wait until we order pizza.
• Oh no, this stupid Dr. Pepper commercial. Do marketing execs sit at board tables and try to figure out how to cause peak annoyance levels in viewers?
• T-Mobile offers 6GB of data for $30/month. WTF. I pay $80 for 5GB and that's a damn good deal in Canada.
• Okay, I should probably focus on the football again.
• Is Jabrill Peppers related to Brian Peppers? I hope not. I'm showing my age with this ancient Internet meme.
• It's still 7-3 for Michigan. This is kind of a boring quarter.
• PSU heard me and blocked the punt, whoops.
• Aaaand Penn State got a touchdown. Score is now 10-7 for Penn State. Jabrill Peppers didn't seem to be looking in the right place when the ball was barreling at him. Shame. That happens to me sometimes too at hockey.
• 1:57 left in the first half. I hope I can convince Anthony at half-time to order me pizza. These alcoholic root beers go down too easily and drunk live blogging is probably not a good idea today. Gotta stay awake to watch a giant, cartoon anvil drop on the OSU-MSU game later. Or at least, that's what I'm hoping happens. 
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• Grant Perry somehow helped with that touchdown. Good work, making us Perrys proud. Score 14-10 Michigan.
• Half-time! Time to work on my blog post for yesterday!

• Third quarter now. Anthony has agreed to order pizza, yay.
• People keep talking about some red shirt but all I see are white and blue? Just kidding. I actually know what red shirt means, but you thought I didn't.
• What do you think would happen if that Dr. Pepper guy went to prison? Would he fare better than Jared Fogle or worse? 
• Michigan picks up a fumbled ball halfway into the 3rd quarter. Third down and goal now. We could use a touchdown to better secure the lead. Oh good, they get it over the line. I feel like this would have somehow gone wrong before this year.
• Anthony wins MVP of this game for finally ordering me pizza.
• It appears two players kind of lightly bumped into each other while running for the ball and a flag has been thrown. People are not happy about this.
• Penn State sacked again. How often do you think sacks and illegal touching go hand in hand? Har har...happy now, Bryan??? (Bryan wanted me to blog raunchy football puns.)
• Michigan failed to tackle a player properly until he had waddled over to the 3 yard line. My guess is a Penn State touchdown is imminent but of course, we have to go to a commercial first so Penn State can recover enough energy to complete the touchdown. Sigh. 

• Fourth quarter! Maybe I should live blog more often...time flies when you're actually paying attention. 
• Penn State failed to get that touchdown but I forgot to watch...they did get a field goal, though. Score is 21-13 I think. 
• I just realized that this is my 6th year watching college football, which is longer than any of the players play, and I still know very little about it.
• Why isn't the pizza here yet?
• PSU is probably about to score another touchdown. Michigan's defense seems like they're just not quick enough today, but that's my uneducated opinion.
• Another Penn State field goal. 21-16. 
• This Dr. Pepper idiot again. Oh, now they have a hashtag for this guy. No, just no. Go to hell with this shit. No one wants to discuss your awful marketing campaign on social media. The only acceptable Dr. Peppers hashtag is #bringbackpitbull
• There's 8 minutes left so if Michigan doesn't score during this possession, this game might become more of a nail biter. IMHO.
• Michigan gets the touchdown, 28-16 Michigan now. Penn State will be hardpressed to get back into the lead but if they get it together, maybe Michigan's poky defense will struggle to keep up? Does this make any sense?!?! Is that an accurate observation?!
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• The above is an accurate portrayal of Jaime: Football Live Blogger.
• THE PIZZA IS HERE. 
• Penn State crowd is unhappy with their loss. That's too bad. 
• Well that's it, folks. I made it through a whole game. Time to eat pizza and fall asleep on the couch!

P.S. I sometimes tweet my thoughts about sports at Jaime Talks Sports, if you're interested in more absurd observations from a sports nut (and I mean nut in a bad way).